Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog review

First of all I want to make note that this review is meant for people who have already watched this. There are spoilers everywhere!

"Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" is only 42 minutes long. (Left me wanting more!) It was made for the internet by Joss Whedon. (Genius!)

It's about a minor league criminal evil scientist type played by Neil Patrick Harris (very talented!) self named Dr. Horrible who is not really that horrible but is ambitious. He has a vlog where he answers questions from followers of his exploits while he practices his "Evil Laugh of Evil" and brags about "a letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor, that has some weight...fingers crossed" which will help him be accepted as a member of "The Evil League of Evil".

It's divided into three acts like a play. In fact, I can see it become one if they wanted to turn it into one. The first time you watch it, the first four minutes have a slow WTF-is-this vibe. Once it gets four minutes in and introducing Penny, the girl that Dr. Horrible sees in the local laundry frequently and likes, you get the first song and a feeling for what they are doing with this. Yes, I watched it a second time. The second time the first four minutes aren't slow but charming as it sets up Dr. Horrible's vulnerability played strongly by Harris.

As this (mini-movie?) continues the doctor is awkward and painfully shy around Penny while he also schemes to steal some wonderflonium he needs to finish his freeze ray (ahem, Death Ray) and become the "horrible" villain he is trying to become. But in his path comes "Captain Hammer", a bragging, boastful, over confident hero who is introduced trying to foil the robbery while singing one of the funniest songs  "A Man's Gotta Do". Not only does he ruin Horrible's plan but also gets to save the girl, Penny, the pretyy sympathetic girl that just wants to open up a building fr the homeless. Distracted by Penny, Hammer is taken by her while Horrible gets to steal the wonderflonium.

Cue act two: it shows Dr. Horrible in a stunned and vulnerable state. This little scene focusing  silently on his face sets up the ending perfectly. I'll return to this.

What I found interesting was the irony of both Horrible and Hammer lying about things to Penny. Horrible doesn't show who he is and doesn't like helping the homeless or doing laundry but he tells her that he does to stay in her good graces. Hammer fakes sincerity but can't even bare to be touched  by a homeless person. May not even want to look at them. This is where Nathan Fillion (an actor of boundless charisma)  does great work with his expressions.

The melodic songs are easy to listen to, understand the lyrics, funny and at times touching. Every character gets to sing and one of the best songs was the "So They Say" one sung by several characters, even news anchors, groupies and more.

By the final act, I was already so taken by this thing (movie?) that I wanted it to last longer! And I kept getting flashbacks to "Despicable Me" and wondered if this inluenced the creators of that one.

At one point in the final act, Dr. Horrible sings a line about how  there are "no happy endings for me anyway". Wonderful foreshadowing. For when in the end the climactic fight between Horrible and Hammer comes to a head with the now named "Death Ray" playing a big part and in a not-the-way-he-thought manner killing Penny. Still in the end she sees Billy aka Dr. Horrible as himself and not the villain and all she worries about is him and that he is all right! And not to worry, Captain Hammer will save them. Then she dies. Heartbreaking.

Joss Whedon and company then launch the final song sung by Neil Patrick Harris in a more aggressive way to express how this results in his turning bitter and into a murderer now thought to be horrible like his namesake. This ends with that final two second shot of him sitting alone in a sad shock with the last two words "a thing". End.

What??? I wanted more!!! Positively freaking loved this thing! Major shout out to one particular friend who recommended this!
    

  

The Walking Dead mid season finale

This second season mid-season finale was about realizations for all the characters. From Sophia's mom coming to grips with that her daughter may no longer be found alive. Shane knowing that the walkers in the barn are dead and have no cure and should be eradicated. Glenn feeling that he owes more to the people he has survived with than a girl (Maggie) he has feelings for. Dale even with seething inner jealousy still concious of how dangerous Shane can be and is. There is more but that is the feeling I got with this intense episode.

"The barn is full of walkers".

That bought to a head a group that was just a bit passive, searching for Sophia the missing girl in bursts and taking advantage of some of the calmness in Herschel's farm. Still the group doesn't let their guard down. You see Andrea sharpening a big knife and the guns are all being touched and grabbed by either Andrea, Shane or Dale. And in the end, wasn't it a good thing that Dale didn't hide the munitions?

The biggest debate in this episode is between Rick and Herschel and Rick and Shane. Rick handles both differently. With Herschel he is trying to convince him that they can stay and can help at the farm. He's willing in exchange for safe haven of assisting Herschel and his family of corraling the "sick people" and taking them to the barn. This also helped explain how they got all the other walkers into the barn in the first place. This leads to another realization in the end, this one for Herschel when he witnesses Shane put four bullets into the walker that was his neighbor without killing her. Then when he is on his knees mourning in shock what has happened that you can read different emotions coming off his face.

With Shane, it's more personal. Rick is trying to keep control of the group and of his family and uses his last card on Shane by telling him "Lori is pregnant". He knows what effect that will have on Shane but notice how slickly he didn't show all of his cards and tell him that he knows that Lori and him had something and that baby may be his. This news makes Shane more protective but to a point where he will do whatever it takes to protect the group. And that means facing Dale in a manner that could lead to his death and he risks it but gets what he wanted which are the guns. Leading to the gut wrenching finale.

  Did anyone guess that Sophia would be in the barn? As the saying goes, she was right in their backyard! For dramatic purposes it makes sense that she would be the last one to exit the barn in a heartbreaking scene. But it also makes sense because she was the smallest of all of them and leaving the barn last would make sense also. I found it a great touch that even Shane in his almost maniacal intensity pointed the gun down and did not take the shot at the girl. It allowed in a moment of realization (that word again) Rick had to make a decision to put down a child that was a part of their group and became a walker. And that that may be something that can happen again in the future. There is no sickness that can be cured here. You can almost see it in his face.

  What happens now? We have to wait until February. Agghh!

Platonic Friends of the Opposite Sex

    Can I or any other straight male be platonic friends with a female?

   I had to ponder this as it's something that comes up with some regularity in life. Because most people will look at crazy if you mention that a friend you kick it with is of the opposite sex.

   I have many female acqauintances but I also have ONE clear cut female friend. We work together and wound up hitting it off right away. We had some things in common and it turned out she liked the fact that I was a good listener. We wound up sharing long conversations both serious and fun, so of course we bonded.

   It took me longer to trust her than it took for her to trust me but eventually it did happen. The deal here and one reason it makes it all simple for us is that we both see other people. There really is no sexual tension. THAT is the main thing. I recently watched an episode of the always interesting "Louie" show and in it he was hanging with a female friend that thought of Louie in a platonic way and in his case it was the total opposite. And he almost wound up ruining the friendship because he had underlying feelings for her. And if  my female friend and I had any underlying tensions like that, this friendship wouldn't work.

   What separates us from being acqauintances is that we have both spent time with eac others' families and have done favors for each other in times of need. We both get along very well with the opposite sex too. We have discussed dates with others at times and offered candid opinions to each other and advice and anecdotes.

   We're also fortunate that we work someplace where we're not being judged for talking to each other and joking around. I guess the ones that would have trouble understanding are the people that we date.

   But it's a good feeling to have a meaningful platonic friendship that offers different perspectives on things many times. I think most people could have this but there can be NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION.

   Is that possible?

Gravel Truck, Cover Thyself!

   On the way to work in my short five mile trek I don't have to deal with too many road annoyances. But this time I was ticked off because of something that is against the law AND common sense and still is seen on the freeways.

   No, not the texting driver, the eating on the way driver, the makeup applying driver or even the zig zag crossing the lanes with no blinkers driver.

   This is just a big truck carrying gravel. Without a cover or tarp over it.

   The sound of teeny gravel pebbles falling feet or yards away behind it as it gets on the freeway. The sound of little tippity-taps as the gravel hit your car. And the sound of my mouth as I hold my breath hoping that I don't get a cracked windshield out of this.

   Ohhhhh (imagine sounding like Simmity Sam here) Ohhhhh, that varmint! You see, I don't care about the exterior of my admittedly old jalopy of a car. But what I do care about is not having to fix a cracked windshield because someone decided it was a good idea to get on the freeway at 55+ miles per hour driving a truck that is releasing pebbles at an unacceptable rate. Acceptable rate is zero.

   Well, I made it through okay. Having three lanes and moving two away worked fine. But what about other drivers?

*The ones with brand new cars.
*The ones driving a convertible.
*The ones on motorcycle.
*The ones that have no choice but to get behind this truck and get that cracked windshield or worse.

   Has something like this happened to you? Or really just annoyed you?

I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!

From Friendliness to Flirting

   So I ask myself, is innocent flirting with a person that has low self esteem a no-no? I now realize it can very well be.

   At my job there is a female in the front office that is friendly and cordial. Not my type but has a good natured personality and welcoming smile ever since I started working there.Interacting with her came easily. She assisted me with paperwork when I began there and I just used my sense of humor to cheer her up when I greeted her. This escalated into everyday hellos and accompanied by comments on how she was a light on a dark day. Yes, talk about cheesy!

   A little flirting would happen on my behalf  just to pass the time. I actually DID want to make her feel good and maybe cheer her up. At some point soon afterwards, she began to be 'playfully' upset that I was paying and being payed attention by other women. This is where office politics come into play unexpectedly.

   There is a female there that she seems to have a rivalry (?) with. Where she feels she does not get the male attention she deserves because of this other female. This other female and I flirt to the point where we call each other 'future husband/future wife'. No big deal but just nice comments thrown about but we both know we're not taking it any further. Sort of an unspoken deal we have. But the first female (front office one) had some questions and the one thrown at me was that she "needs" to know if I like her more than the other one. As Scooby Doo would say "Roh oh!"

   Not wanting to ruin a friendship, I patiently asked what was wrong. So she goes on a long admission (confession?) that she has self esteem issues and needed to know I liked her more! Too late I realize I felt like I was being trapped in a slowly closing trash compacter ala "Star Wars".  I don't want to be a dick either so instead of doing the manly thing of just telling her that she needed to get over that and not involve me in any personal office rivalry politics or tell the truth and say that I wasn't really attracted to her, I proceeded to patiently say "I'm a man and I flirt. I pick no favorites and my favorite would be the one I'm sleeping with."

   Which is still a dickish way to answer.

   I did not want any drama at this job. How should I have handled this?

Should he have snooped through her things?

   I work at a place that shall remain nameless here, but that some of my closest friends that read this may know. I will keep it nameless because of course I want to be able to keep a job! That being said...

   On occasion a bag belonging to someone is forgotten and afterwards we find it. Mostly handbags. Or small luggage. In the past there had been an employee that had been stealing, er, stole for the first time and was caught on said first time. That person was caught in a similar way. That person forgot their handbag and once it was checked for identification and who it belonged to, security saw some items that had no business being there and belonged to the place that person worked for. That became a "Here is your bag and you're fired" deal.

   Now as I found this handbag this time, I was not about to sift through it looking for identification or anything. Knowing the person that forgot the bag, I tried solving the situation by sending it back to it's proper owner before that person was gone for the day. My manager was standing a few feet away when I found it and stopped me so he could take a look at it. Not waiting for any security he then proceeded to look through that persons' things. I mean, makeup being moved around, ladies' personal items and even lunch/dinner. Containers opened, other parts unzipped. At this point I'm feeling uncomfortable because I can tell the manager was searching for something incriminating. But everything checked out well.

   The thing is, I felt uncomfortable about the whole deal. I felt that the manager should not have searched through the handbag. Maybe I'm wrong about feeling this way? 

  

       

What is going on in this pic?

   I like the idea of DC Comics reorganizing and trying something new with their line of comics. And I like the teaser art for the relaunch. Jim Lee is still boss. But still, what exactly is going on there? Let's see...

• Batman: He is stuck right in the middle of all the other heroes. He always is in the shadows or in the middle is fine for a selling point. Front and center. But he has to be uncomfortable. The heat from Cyborg and Flash should be burning him up. Green Lantern has some machine gun right next to him. Hope Bats has his earplugs. Superman flying over him will probably make Bats cape go right over his head and cover his floppy ears. Aquaman smells of fish. I'm not even going to mention that if he looks up and right he is looking straight into Wonder Woman's 'chesticles'.
  
  *Aquaman: Poor guy. There is almost no way you can make this guy look regal or powerful in between everyone else. Besides having a cool hairstyle because everyone knows Atlanteans have great hair products. And what is he doing there? Is he leaping? He's not surfing. He is carrying a trident that looks like it was made at the same "Lowe's" that Blue Devil's was. What is going to do with it? He won't be allowed to spear anyone. And will the Justice League's enemies always know they're about to show up because of the smell of fish?
  
  *Green Lantern: Okayyy. WHERE is that machine gun coming from? It actually looks like he is wearing it as a jockstrap! Is it really coming out from his manhood? Because that's what it seems like! Way to go, GL. Now people know you're making up for some shortcomings. Wonder Woman is not impressed.
  
  *Wonder Woman: You are not a very good cowgirl. That lasso looks like it will get caught on the tip of Aquaman's trident. And looks like you were fairly close to looping it around GL's neck and causing either an accidental hanging or knowing his freaky self, bringing him to Michael Hutchence type fame. Careful with that thing. And speaking of thingS, you really need to cover up a bit. Yeah yeah, I know Superman has seen it all before but do you REALLY want to fight Dr. Light wearing that?
  
  *Superman: He's just chilling. Flying. With his eyes closed perhaps. Showoff! And that green from GL's ring around his manhood looks suspiciously like kryptonite green. GL really is that insecure that he is doing that? Shenanigans I say!
  
  *Cyborg: No complaints about him. Lee drew him in a position like he was about to tackle someone a la James Harrison. He is the only one that seems to be smiling. Probably because he's been upgraded from the Titans to the Justice League. Plus he's a human computer. He may actually be reading the latest from cracked.com in there.
  
  *Flash: No complaints here either. He looks good there even though he is photo bombing. All he needed was crazy eyes or something like that.
  
  That is my take on this. And doesn't Batman look like he was hitting the weights quite a bit? He looks bigger than Batista!

What the hell have you done with "House"?

   Season seven of "House" is probably the penultimate season of the series. I have enjoyed this show big time ever since it began back in 2004. Now in 2011 I don't want to say the show 'jumped the shark' because I find that term antiquated and overused. But it's done some damage that I (finally) feel cannot be fixed.

   (Spoiler alert)...House drives his car straight through Cuddy's house into her dining room almost killing her and some guests. He calmly hands her a comb that he was returning to her and walks away, er, limps away.

   Several things are wrong with this scene. Not only because the writers who are fairly smart decided it was smart to write House as unhinged and almost a murderer, but also by committing this act (crime!) he may have passed the point of fans like me seeing him as flawed and grumpy and now almost Vic Mackey in a hospital. The patience with which Lisa Cuddy and best friend Wilson have dealt with him for many seasons of him treating them like dirt and no real redemption nor payoff for his character or how he treats them. They must be destined for angel wings the way they have been so patient with someone who has made them miserable. SO MANY TIMES!

   AND do the guests in the house where said car now resides call the authorities? Do they ask him how he is? No. They stare at him. Okay, shock and all that. But then he walks away, er, limps away. How far would he really have gotten? No neighbors are outside with their cameras taping it all for "YouTube". None.

   If that had happened where I live, about 50 people would show up in the first minute alone. And held the guy that drove the car.

   In the end he is on some beach...somewhere. On the lam as they used to say in old movies.

   Writers of "House", you have just fallen for what afflicts every show that feels they need a big send off for a season finale. So, writers of "House", how do you fix this and will I even care?

   From a loyal and disappointed fan.

  

Funny and Weird Drink Names

Besides the Flaming Dr. Pepper and the Chocolate Covered Grasshopper, what is there?!
Roll Me Over and Do Me Again
Purple MotherFucker
Jamaican Me Crazy ( I LOVE this pun!)
Sex With an Alligator
Gets Ya Laid Coffee
Godmother’s Lesbian Lover (Ha Ha Ha)
The Lost Tourist (sounds like I won’t drink that one on my trip to Mexico!)
Smurf Piss (these are ALL real)
Duck Fart (who comes up with these?)
Bend Me Over (someone was drunk when they came up with this one)
Alien Secretion
Hop, Skip, and Go Naked
Don’t Spread Your legs in the Jungle (yeah, insects n stuff)
Santa’s pole (this one makes me chuckle)
Tie me to The Bedpost, baby
The Spitting Hamster
Fuck Me Rough
Vulcan Death Probe (drunk by nerds everywhere)
Suicide (never drink this one on a bridge)
And the one that tickles my funny bone the most…
LegsSpreader
There are plenty more out there, but these are my personal faves. You can look them up, they’re not invented by me.
Any additions?

Anti Abortionists

I will change the pace of my blog for one day.  I need to get this off my chest.. No witty remarks or anything this time.
Here in Milwaukee just like anywhere else in this nation, we are free to protest against anything from the government to Wal-Mart to police brutality. The problem with this is that some people in every group believe so much in their cause that nothing will get in the way of their goal of winning over the other side, at whatever cost.
Anti-abortionists are one of these groups that form organized protests. Many times they will seek the corner where “Planned Parenthood” is located, and plant themselves there. Sometimes even near malls. Most times it is on a Saturday. I assume it’s because this way you get more “viewers”. They will be outside on the corners with signs and placards. The signs that are written, protesting abortion are inoffensive to me. The signs and placards showing a picture of what they say is a butchered baby or a terminated life (however they want to name it), those offend me. I will tell you why.
Those signs are meant for adults to react in disgust of what is being done when terminating a pregnancy. (Notice I’m not TRYING to make anyone that does not share my viewpoint to become angry) But I used to walk my stepdaughter when she was about five or six around the area near home because we needed to buy something. Now…why would I want my stepdaughter that young, or anyone elses kid to have to see something so gory on the street. Would be funny if some of the protesters do not allow their own kids to watch a horror movie because of the effect the film could have on them. Nausea, nightmares, etcetera. What do you do in that case? Have to walk a longer route? Tell your child to close her/his eyes until you give permission to open them? As if you’re having them close their eyes during a “bad” part of a movie?! This was a long time ago, so I haven’t asked my ex-wifes’ daughter if she was affected by me attempting to protect her from seeing the things on the signs.
I will not even get into the reason they decide to protest “Planned Parenthood”. That’s not the point today. What gets to me is this:
I have a good friend that works at a doctors’ office that is located near a “Planned Parenthood” that is going about it’s business as anonymously as possible to avoid the protesters on a crowded avenue. Near two elementary schools. Somehow the protesters confused the office with the other place. Once again…the anti-abortionists confused a regular doctors’ office with an abortion clinic. So up these people go with their signs, their chanting, their placards, and their anger. Why do I say anger? Because finally my good friend decided she needed to let the crowd know that this was not what they thought it was. At this point she and the doctor are on the nervous side. And of course, there has to be a stop to protesters mistakenly making it seem to whoever passed by that that was a place where abortions took place. So out she comes (she is Mexican-American) and tells them they are in the wrong place. What do these people do? They begin yelling racial epithets at her! Every nasty thing you can think of (and pathetic) is yelled at her…not because she “worked at an abortion clinic”…but the yelling at her is mostly of a racial nature. Telling her that she needed to return to Mexico. And that’s just a small part of the racist insults hurled at her.
Couldn’t these protesters make their point without having to assess the nationality of the person that opened the office door? Isn’t their point lost in what they argued now? I guess you revert to that so easily? What? Do these protesters actually believe that there are no Mexicans that share their opinion? Were they so sure there were NO Latino people AT ALL present in their group that they could comfortably hurl racial insults?
The end came when the police appeared. The protesters had already fled. I would pray to God that they do not mistakenly protest any other places. And that they take a long look in the mirror. Because their racial anymosity overshadows whatever message they are trying to bring to the table. And they should be reminded that some Latinos also share their views. Maybe the latinos that do should form their own group, go to an office run by a white doctor, and start yelling at him about his race.

Marriage Mistakes: Her Husband Was Gay

---

Some women just pick wrong. Example:

I have a female cousin who is a better than average looking woman. Blonde, green eyes, though a shortie. Doesn’t look like her father at all. Must have been some all-American businessman on some business trip. (Glad they don’t read this.)

Anyways, she married some guy she had met only a month before. Whenever I hear something like that, I arch my eyebrow like the Rock. One month? I’m visiting one day and am introduced to him and his best friend. I size him up in that way all brothers and cousins usually size up men that are with our family. Close to six feet tall, moreno (means dark-skinned), and strong. He had a set of pipes. I shake his hand. All of a sudden, he spoke. He sounded like friggin Michael Jackson! I don’t know if I showed on my face what I thought of exactly at that moment. Well, after he talked to me about Tito, and Neverland, I ….kidding!
He DID sound…fey…soft…gay. Okay, I start thinking …my cousin married him. His money? No, he was average earner. His looks? What’s it worth to look muscular when his voice made him sound like Mickey Mouse? I quietly ask her sister if this guy is straight. She says yes. Alrighty then, guess this guy is just one of those mommas boys that his voice got stuck in neutral.
45 days later: I go over to visit. My cousin is in her room (their room) and her sister is in the living room. Very gloomy in there. If it were a cartoon, I swear a raincloud would be hanging over the place. I ask what’s going on. My other cousin in the living room tells me that this is not the best time to visit. (whoever is reading this, I know right now you’re nodding in acknowledgement that you know exactly what happens next).
So her sister whispers to me that my cousin found her husband locked in their room with his best friend. Mother of God! Madre de Dios! Or as we Puertoricans say “Ay Dios Mio”. Right then and there I wanted to jump up and say “Aha! I knew he was Gay!” But I didn’t. I just asked what was going to happen next. Turns out the guy ran out of the apartment with his best friend. And she was just gonna sit and wait for him because he left everything he owned there., so he had to return..if he dared. Everything he owned, except his ass! That was already owned, I guess!

Bad enough that she catches him cheating on her, but with a dude too?! And I am not homophobic, but don't marry my cousin if you are gay, okay?!  The warning signs were there too. Someone from outside should have said..”you know what? You may get offended, but he looks sorta faggy”. But then sometimes women don’t listen. Anyways, I never broached the subject with my cousin about her 45 day old marriage. But about two years later, I used to go and play pool at a certain bar owned by friends. Regular bar, straight. Nice pool tables, ice cold Heinekens. In comes the guy my cousin was married to. He doesn’t recognize me or something, cause he just ordered two beers and started playing pool. And to make it worse.. he is playing with his “best friend”! He does see me and says hi. And I swear that now he has the most queenie voice ever, and his gestures now are completely fey! I may have even dropped the Heineken. Yikes.

Jury Duty is a Rewarding Experience Part Two

The second day of jury went a little ( un poquito ) easier.


8:30- Arrive earlier this time to get a seat early. This way I don't have to sit in between two people I wouldn't sit next to on a train. Turns out that that the turn up is less than half of the previous day. Huh.


9:30- Haven't been called yet. This time I was smart and took a book with me. I start what is the beginning of reading over 100 pages. I haven't read this much in years. At one point, my head lolls down to my chest and I jerk awake. Wonder how many people saw that. So I pretend I was only cracking and stretching my neck.


10:30- A movie. One of my friends had this "rewarding experience" last month and told me they turned on the movie " Hitch ". Let's see what they have for us today. It's "Hitch". Usually I would watch a Will Smith movie, but I won't because any minute now I'll be called to do my civic duty and I'll hate missing the rest of the movie. Any minute now they will call me. Any minute.

11:00- Any minute.


11:15- Hey! I've been called! A group of twenty five is being led to a room by the judges' chambers and the court. We're assigned numbers and the mood lightens up as we all realize we may finally be out of there. ( I meant doing our civic duty soon, Mister Judge! )

11:30- We're led into the courtroom. Lawyers, defendant, victim, prosecutor, and the lady that types at 100 miles an hour is there. Stomachs are growling at this point. It echos in this huge courtroom. I ask my tapeworm to shush.

Noon- Lunch Break! As I walk near to a Dunkin Donuts, I walk by a lady that was in the jury pool with us but did not get called. She tells me that everyone else was released after we were picked. Dammit to hell! I say "good for you" and pray that this case is resolved in one day.

1:30- Now lots of joking and levity between all us prospective jurors. In fact, we joked that when the deputy would come by to pick us up from our little waiting room to head into the courtroom, we would hide and all of a sudden yell "Surprise". That was pretty funny.

1:45- We're led back into court. We have to be interviewed by the lawyers. This way they whittle down the jurors by telling us what the trial is about and if we have dealt with anything similar, they need to know about it. Turns out it's an assault and battery case between a father and daughter. Damn, I really don't want to be part of something that breaks up a family so much.

2:00- They ask if anyone has been a witness or victim to a fight, especially between a man and a woman. Now...I'm Puertorican. What Puertorican hasn't seen a male-female fight? Seriously. One of my best friends did with his woman way back when. It took three of us,all strong dudes to separate that ugly scene. Especially when he began to dominate her. So I did well. I told the truth, while also knowing that when the judge, lawyers, and the defendant walked into the judges' chambers, I would probably be dismissed. I hold back a smile. Heh.


2:30- Numbers are called. They stand up. I'm not one of them. Oh no. But then..." the ones sitting down are dismissed". We all did an imitation of the "walk of shame" out of the courtroom. But believe me, if the deputy wasn't with us, when we walked out we would have all high fived, hugged, even kissed! I only did a Tiger Woods fist pump.

3:00- Done. What a rewarding experience. Yeah right. "See you all in four years!". That was the motto there afterwards when they told us we could go.


Now don't get me wrong. If I was chosen and had to stay an extra day, I would of been the most impartial juror ever. BUT, since I wasn't...I could now go get me that chinese food that my tapeworm was growling at me for.

Jury duty sucks donkey

Jury duty sucks. Oh, I said that already?

This is how my first day of jury duty went.

8:00- Drive myself down to the courthouse. Jury duty pays about $11 half a day, $19 a full day. I am sure parking downtown will cost me half of that. Ugh. Hopefully, I'll find a ten dollar bill on the way to the juror assembly room.

8:30- An auditorium filled with a hundred other poor souls that have to do their civic duty of putting someone in jail only because we're just tired and want to get out of there. (Uh, I didn't mean that, Mister Judge!)

9:30- An hour has passed and all we have gotten through is an introduction, and reading our guidelines. There some coins for free soda. I don't want any. Free coffee. Of course when I go get some, I get five drips in one cup. I look around to see who is watching, in case I just f'd up on serving it. But nada. This sucks. Try keeping me awake during my "civic duty", u bozos!

10:30- I'm going nuts now. I should have brought a book or a couple magazines with me. I don't want their outdated Sports Illustrated mags. Oh, goody. A movie shows up on two small tv screens. And what do you know? The angle is bad, so I can't see. Not that I want to. The movie is "Must Love Dogs". Which for me means..."Will Fall Asleep".

11:30- Many groups have been selected. I'm still sitting there in a squeaky, uncomfortable chair. Hey! It's almost lunch time. I keep remembering during the introduction that they mentioned this was going to be " a rewarding experience".

Noon- As I walk several blocks to feed the monster in my belly... I keep reminding myself that this is a "a rewarding experience". And that lunch will cost several dollars more.

1:00- Lunch break is over. Back to the uncomfortable chair. Yayyyy! I wonder what movie we will get now. Better be good. Of course, none of the movies would have Richard Gere, Tom Cruise, or anyone else playing a lawyer. I always joked that on any plane I traveled, I wanted to watch "Final Destination", "Die Hard 2", or even "Alive.

1:30- Groups keep getting called. Okayyy...what is the movie? Huh. Syndicated television. "The Steve Harvey Show". (sigh). Now "The Drew Carey Show". That one is a bit better. But it all serves to remind me as they call more people to serve, that I don't even watch this stuff at home. Keep repeating to myself "a rewarding experience". Another hour sitting here, and I will get up and punch the guy who said that right in his polished teeth!

2:30- Finally. Group of thirty walk to the room we're supposed to go to. Judge has us wait, and wait, and wait. This group is pretty quiet. Almost everyone is reading something. I'm trying to read "The Onion" that I picked up during lunch. But there are two women there that make me lose concentration. One looked like Brittany Snow, the other like Peta Wilson. Sigh.

3:30- Judge tells us the case is over. Someone pled guilty at the last minute. We're all like overanxious dogs now, asking "Can we go home now"? Not that dogs talk, but you knowwwwww...

4:00- Freedom!!!!!! But we all have to come back tomorrow. Oh. I cannot wait!