So I ask myself, is innocent flirting with a person that has low self esteem a no-no? I now realize it can very well be.
At my job there is a female in the front office that is friendly and cordial. Not my type but has a good natured personality and welcoming smile ever since I started working there.Interacting with her came easily. She assisted me with paperwork when I began there and I just used my sense of humor to cheer her up when I greeted her. This escalated into everyday hellos and accompanied by comments on how she was a light on a dark day. Yes, talk about cheesy!
A little flirting would happen on my behalf just to pass the time. I actually DID want to make her feel good and maybe cheer her up. At some point soon afterwards, she began to be 'playfully' upset that I was paying and being payed attention by other women. This is where office politics come into play unexpectedly.
There is a female there that she seems to have a rivalry (?) with. Where she feels she does not get the male attention she deserves because of this other female. This other female and I flirt to the point where we call each other 'future husband/future wife'. No big deal but just nice comments thrown about but we both know we're not taking it any further. Sort of an unspoken deal we have. But the first female (front office one) had some questions and the one thrown at me was that she "needs" to know if I like her more than the other one. As Scooby Doo would say "Roh oh!"
Not wanting to ruin a friendship, I patiently asked what was wrong. So she goes on a long admission (confession?) that she has self esteem issues and needed to know I liked her more! Too late I realize I felt like I was being trapped in a slowly closing trash compacter ala "Star Wars". I don't want to be a dick either so instead of doing the manly thing of just telling her that she needed to get over that and not involve me in any personal office rivalry politics or tell the truth and say that I wasn't really attracted to her, I proceeded to patiently say "I'm a man and I flirt. I pick no favorites and my favorite would be the one I'm sleeping with."
Which is still a dickish way to answer.
I did not want any drama at this job. How should I have handled this?
People flirt all day every day. Period. It's human nature. You didn't know she had self-esteem issues, and like Amelia said, that is NOT healthy behavior at all. And while that's not your problem and you handled it politely, it seems, she sounds like someone who could take offense to even that innocuous, honest comment and blow it way out of proportion, especially if she feels "spurned" regardless of that being a really warped view on her part. I'd say be careful around that one. I've seen people who do things similar to that tear offices completely apart.
ReplyDelete